The problem with being jaded and damaged with baggage
I’ve lately got in the habit of making lists. Especially ones regarding relationships.
I’ll admit that this is largely due to fear. See I’ve been in far too many relationships that ended badly.
And yes while hindsight is a bitch, everything truly could have been avoided if I just took the time to
consider all the things about this guy that I knew would eventually drive me crazy and all the things he was doing wrong.
Not to just point out his flaws, but to see how it measured up to my list of positive things, which usually was none existing or consisted of “He is a nice person!”
I have a tendency in relationships to ‘let things play themselves out’ or not wanting to quit until I have no other option. But the truth of the matter is….in EVERY relationship I have been in, there were ALWAYS signs of what was to come within the FIRST MONTH.
So given this realization, I took great effort to take note of all the flaws that I noticed in a new guy I had just met.
And as soon as he did something I thought was a no-no, I had no qualms about letting him go.
But a few short days later, after sharing and swapping dating horror stories with a friend I realized…that dude that I so quickly tossed to the side was not even half as horrible as 100% of the guys I had dated in the past.
I was so focused on making sure that I took note of his negatives, I completely forgot to take note of his positives
Now while I still stand by my decision to let that guy go because frankly he wasn’t the right one, I do want to use it as a learning experience for the next guy.
Yes sometimes its true that we enter relationships already with the mindset that this guy will be the one. So we ignore all the warning signs and quickly justify all his wrong doings because we are so desperate to make this guy fit into the fantasy we already have in our heads.
But sometimes the opposite happens. In my case, I am so jaded and damaged with baggage that I fail to properly see whats a good relationship from whats a bad one.
I guess my hope is that with all this writing and list making I will achieve growth and self-improvement. Because to truly work on my issues, I have to first admit to having them.