Tales Of Miss Scarlett

Archive for the tag “Confidence”

Worst Date Ever: Hurt People, Hurt People

On a past date that I will forever classify as the WORST DATE EVER and that I  personally refer to asdate with that guy who threatened to throw acid in my face I was slewed with a plethora of insults and attempts at defaming my character.

I may at some point make an entire post dedicated to the horror that was that date. But for today, I want to focus on his accusations that I was:

                             stuck up

vain and…..

self-entitled                

Now granted, much thought shouldn’t be given to the ramblings of a crazy man. But I was particular intrigued by the fact that these false assumptions of my character were all formed based on my physical appearance.

See throughout the date there was constant references to my ‘pretty face.’ And even when he threatened to assault me with acid..it was promised to be thrown specifically in my face. And even when he said he would show up at my apartment and beat the crap out of me…it was particularly so he could ‘fuck up my face.’ But what was especially telling was when he described himself. He was absolutely certain my rejection of his offer to move in with him (yes this was the FIRST date) or at the very least allow him to perform cunnilingus, was all due to the fact that he was a vertically challenged dark-hued man (ie short and extremely dark-skin) I found this accusation to be amusing because 95% of the guys I’ve had a crush on or dated since kindergarten have been of a darker pigment.  Probably due to my love for my father who is also of a darker complexion and my quest to find a husband that matches his hero like quality.

My thing is…this ‘man’ immediately assumed that my repulsion of him had everything to do with the fact that I thought I was too pretty for him AND nothing to do with the fact that he acted like an ass the entire date and simply put…nothing about him was impressive.

This date was a classic example of how someone’s perception of you, says way more about them than actually of you. His perception of me was directly related to how he viewed himself and the things he obviously hated about himself. This, my lovely readers, is why I encourage everyone to take some time to explore and fall in love with them themselves first before entering the dating world. Developing self-worth and self-love is the first step in building a solid foundation for a successful love life.

What stories do y’all have about your worst dates?

The Art of Becoming a Swan

The 4th grade diva!

In the fourth grade I heard on Oprah (yes I was addicted to Oprah at the age of 9) that when you think of yourself a certain way, others would then see you in that light. Or at least… it was some advice along those line. I became determined to test the theory. Truly, I just wanted to see if thinking of myself as pretty for a few days would cause my class crush to find me irresistible. So the next day I walked into class confident and telling myself that I was the best thing since slice bread. And guess what? It worked! Not only did my crush spend lunch time playing with me, but multiple other boys complimented me in one way or the other 🙂

My point?

Recently I’ve been thinking about how my self-perception has changed over the past few years, especially since my teenage years. Growing up I always felt odd around others my age.  I was too tall, with a waistline too big, gigantic boobs  and ass that often got inappropriate response from grown men. I had acne that was so severe adults would stare. Needless to say, my self-esteem was very low. But now at the age of 26, my friends would chuckle at the idea of a low self esteem version of me. They often tease me for being too vain and over confident! Little do many people know, that my sometimes boastful expressions and confidence are often just tools in helping me to build my self esteem. Its utilizing that theory I heard on Oprah all those years ago. Before anyone else can see my beauty, I must first see it myself. Everyone has beautiful qualities…some are internal and others are external. Thinking of myself in a positive way helps me to not be afraid to show others what I have to offer.

My hope is that everyone reading this will be brave enough to test this theory. Love yourself boldly and watch how the world falls in love with you.

A Rant From the Girl Dancing Barefoot in the Club

Big boobs

Big booty

and lets not forget the vagina that the good God gave me.

And you think I need heels to feel like a woman?

I am above caring if I look “ladylike”

Life is too short for uncomfortable shoes.

And I refuse to be miserable to prove WHO I ALREADY AM to any man, woman or club.

**steps off soap box**

#loveyourlines

I matured fast!

At least that’s what I was told all my life and therefore what I reiterated to others

but mostly to myself

whenever I started staring at what looked like war wounds/claw marks/tiger stripes all over my body.

STRETCH MARKS

like finger prints; they grip my hips, clasp my ass and fondle my bosoms!

I matured fast!

my hormones raged, tectonic plates crashed together & my mountains formed in the north & south faster than my skin could keep up.

STRETCH MARKS

DON’T justify them.

DON’T hide them.

DON’T be ashamed of them.

DO love them.

STRETCH MARKS

proof that you transformed from a girl into a woman.

child bearing hips, nurturing bosoms and buttocks just for the heck it.

like blue prints; they show him where to grip my hips, clasp my ass and fondle my bosoms!

#loveyourlines

*post was inspired by the #loveyourlines movement on instagram

Always remember….you’re Liebster!

liebsterblog

This is more than an award….

it is one of those hugs you get from your favorite aunt,

where she squeezes you really tight and rubs your back,

as she pats you on the shoulder.

It is a hug that causes the feeling of love to pulsate through your body

with a tangibility that shatters any doubt you had allowed to creep in.

And with that, I would like to thank Arundhati Ail over at http://aruail.wordpress.com/  for the nomination.

So, what’s this award all about? You can call it Favorite Blog Award, as “Liebster” is a German word for beloved, or dearest. However, there is neither competition nor a jury. It is like a chain letter, or in this case, a “chain tag”, meant to help new, but talented bloggers with less than 200 followers to be discovered by the rest of the world.

To accept this award, all you have to do is:

1.  Link back and recognize the blogger who nominated you (this would be me :))
2.  Answer ten questions given to you by the blogger who nominated you (see the questions below).
3.  Nominate 3-5 other bloggers with less than 200 followers for the award.
4.  Create ten questions for your nominees to answer.
5.  Notify your nominees the way you were notified.

Now its my turn to let you know about my favorite blogs that totally deserve a “Liebster” award:

1) Carla Moore Mooretalkja

Not only does she blogs but she is also a YouTube vlogger. To be honest, I’m a little bit (read as a lot) shy at the idea of posting on her blog…I am THAT star struck! She does everything, from poetry to serious commentary about Jamaica and politics to hilarious reviews of Scandal. You have to check her out!

2) Some Times I Stare At Strangers http://sometimesistareatstrangers.wordpress.com/

A beautiful blog written by a truly talented artist. She is passionate about a wide variety of topics and will make you passionate about it too. She recently visited Jordan and took amazing photos and her posts about feminism *sigh*…mind blowing!

3) Ramblings to A Soulmate http://amandlovu.wordpress.com/

Truly talented writer. She has a sense of humor that shines through her writing. Her words are a pleasure to read. Only a few post post so far but I can tell she is one to watch.

My 10 questions:

  1. Why do you blog?
  2. Out of all the post that you have published, what is your favorite?
  3. Describe your blog in 3 words:
  4. What is the overall goal for your blog?
  5. List 1 thing you would like your followers to know about you.
  6. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
  7. What is your favorite quote or proverb?
  8. If you could ask God 1 question, what would it be?
  9. If you could change 1 thing about this world, what would it be?
  10. Have you ever been in love? (wouldn’t be me if I didn’t ask a question regarding affairs of the heart ;))

Here are my answers to the questions I was asked:

1.How and when did you decide to create a blog?

I had created a blog just for fun but I never really posted anything.

Not until I had gone through one of THE worst breakups

& had exhausted my shrinks (dear friends) with my drama,

that they encouraged me to write down my feelings, 

hoping it will help me sort out my feelings regarding the heart-breaker.

Funny thing is…I’ve never actually written anything about him.

2.What do you write/like writing about the most?

I only write and post on my blog when I feel truly inspired.

That is why there isn’t any set day or time span to which I post.

3.Other than blogging, what do you enjoy doing?

There isn’t a specific activity. Just enjoy spending time with my loved ones.

They can make any ordinary task memorable.

4.What is your favourite book/books?

The Bible. I mean talk about a book that has everything!

Romance, betrayal, horror, tragedy…

it has EVERYTHING!

5.What is your favourite quote?

As a person who has a folder on her laptop dedicated solely to the purpose 

of all the quotes that she has seen and saved…

I beg,

please don’t make me choose?!

6.Describe yourself in one word.

Anomaly

7.Given a chance, what would you change about yourself?

I would increase my faith.

8.What talent,other than writing, would you have wished to be born with?

I wish I could sing.

9.What was your childhood dream and has it come true?

That is a complicated question with a complex answer.

But in short: it depends on the day.

I think I might have to create a blog post about it.

10.Do you see yourself continuing to blog in the future? Why?

Yes!

Blogging is an outlet.

I post  the things I want to scream to the world.

But that I’m too afraid to let the people in my life know I feel.

And I think there will always be things that I’m afraid to say out loud.

And I don’t think that is necessary a bad thing.

Dear Introverts & Extroverts,

Lately,I’ve been seeing a lot of articles about how awesome introverts are

and hilarious commentary about the problems introverts face.

Now I think that it is well fine and dandy. I mean hooray for the exposure this underrated group is getting.

The more people understand the group, the more accepting people will be

of their quirks and they will no longer be labelled names like

“anti-social”

“stuck up”

 “weird”

But what I have been noticing in these articles and in the comment sections, is a superiority tone.

It may be subtle (i mean they are introverts…can’t expect bold 😛 ) but it is there.

Comments that suggest that because they enjoy being by themselves…

that they therefore love themselves more than extroverts.

Or

because they spend more time in their heads….

it means that they are “deeper thinkers.”

Or

because they might read more books…

it means that they are more intelligent.

NO! STOP IT!

As someone who have been labelled an introvert for most of my life but who has become a self proclaimed Ambivert (don’t know what it is? Google it!)…..I’m beyond tired of the debate and the judgement that seems to come along with it. Neither trait trumps the other!

And instead of these new articles taking on a fresh angle…

they resort to the same old playground games of screaming that

“I’m better than you na na na boo boo” crap!

Being an introvert simply means, that individual gets energy from within

while an extrovert gets energy from a stimulating environment.

They both can make excellent leaders,

amazing friends and both be

outstandingly intelligent. 

I mean c’mon!

No need to put another person down

to feel good about yourself.

You have been forewarned

Don’t try and put me in a box
because I won’t fit.
You think i’m too smart, then that i’m too dumb
that i’m exactly what a woman should be but then say i’m not feminine enough
He says i’m too emotional and you say i’m not vulnerable
They say i’m outgoing but she thinks i’m too reserved.
My secret is that I am all of those and not quite any at the same time.
And until you can wrap your mind, body and soul around that concept
You can’t have mine.

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