Tales Of Miss Scarlett

Archive for the tag “Self-Improvement”

Worst Date Ever: Hurt People, Hurt People

On a past date that I will forever classify as the WORST DATE EVER and that I  personally refer to asdate with that guy who threatened to throw acid in my face I was slewed with a plethora of insults and attempts at defaming my character.

I may at some point make an entire post dedicated to the horror that was that date. But for today, I want to focus on his accusations that I was:

                             stuck up

vain and…..

self-entitled                

Now granted, much thought shouldn’t be given to the ramblings of a crazy man. But I was particular intrigued by the fact that these false assumptions of my character were all formed based on my physical appearance.

See throughout the date there was constant references to my ‘pretty face.’ And even when he threatened to assault me with acid..it was promised to be thrown specifically in my face. And even when he said he would show up at my apartment and beat the crap out of me…it was particularly so he could ‘fuck up my face.’ But what was especially telling was when he described himself. He was absolutely certain my rejection of his offer to move in with him (yes this was the FIRST date) or at the very least allow him to perform cunnilingus, was all due to the fact that he was a vertically challenged dark-hued man (ie short and extremely dark-skin) I found this accusation to be amusing because 95% of the guys I’ve had a crush on or dated since kindergarten have been of a darker pigment.  Probably due to my love for my father who is also of a darker complexion and my quest to find a husband that matches his hero like quality.

My thing is…this ‘man’ immediately assumed that my repulsion of him had everything to do with the fact that I thought I was too pretty for him AND nothing to do with the fact that he acted like an ass the entire date and simply put…nothing about him was impressive.

This date was a classic example of how someone’s perception of you, says way more about them than actually of you. His perception of me was directly related to how he viewed himself and the things he obviously hated about himself. This, my lovely readers, is why I encourage everyone to take some time to explore and fall in love with them themselves first before entering the dating world. Developing self-worth and self-love is the first step in building a solid foundation for a successful love life.

What stories do y’all have about your worst dates?

The Art of Becoming a Swan

The 4th grade diva!

In the fourth grade I heard on Oprah (yes I was addicted to Oprah at the age of 9) that when you think of yourself a certain way, others would then see you in that light. Or at least… it was some advice along those line. I became determined to test the theory. Truly, I just wanted to see if thinking of myself as pretty for a few days would cause my class crush to find me irresistible. So the next day I walked into class confident and telling myself that I was the best thing since slice bread. And guess what? It worked! Not only did my crush spend lunch time playing with me, but multiple other boys complimented me in one way or the other 🙂

My point?

Recently I’ve been thinking about how my self-perception has changed over the past few years, especially since my teenage years. Growing up I always felt odd around others my age.  I was too tall, with a waistline too big, gigantic boobs  and ass that often got inappropriate response from grown men. I had acne that was so severe adults would stare. Needless to say, my self-esteem was very low. But now at the age of 26, my friends would chuckle at the idea of a low self esteem version of me. They often tease me for being too vain and over confident! Little do many people know, that my sometimes boastful expressions and confidence are often just tools in helping me to build my self esteem. Its utilizing that theory I heard on Oprah all those years ago. Before anyone else can see my beauty, I must first see it myself. Everyone has beautiful qualities…some are internal and others are external. Thinking of myself in a positive way helps me to not be afraid to show others what I have to offer.

My hope is that everyone reading this will be brave enough to test this theory. Love yourself boldly and watch how the world falls in love with you.

A Rant From the Girl Dancing Barefoot in the Club

Big boobs

Big booty

and lets not forget the vagina that the good God gave me.

And you think I need heels to feel like a woman?

I am above caring if I look “ladylike”

Life is too short for uncomfortable shoes.

And I refuse to be miserable to prove WHO I ALREADY AM to any man, woman or club.

**steps off soap box**

God is like a ride or die friend

In 2013 I started a Blessings Jar.

The idea was that throughout the year, I would write lil notes of blessings that I had experienced and at the end of the year…open the jar and review all my blessings.

2013 was an overwhelming year for me!

I traveled A LOT and I graduated with my undergraduate degree which is something I fought hard for. But I also had deep low points in my life and tremendous heart break….

…and in the midst of it all, I stopped writing notes for the jar and never reviewed it.

But today I decided to take a look and these are a few notes I found:

01/16/2013 After days of self pity and bad anxiety and

sleepless nights and putting myself more in debt…I paid my tuition.

MY FINAL TUITION!

Somehow I made it. Not just the payment but through college.

God has never left me!

01/18/2013 I went to see the resume doctor on campus & she was impressed with my resume. It got me thinking how God planned everything out in a way that even though I often complain about not getting jobs on campus or being broke; the job I did get is an amazing addition to my career goals. Everything that he allowed me to do is beneficial in the long run. Once again proving, that he has plans for me & they are better than any plan I could make for myself. I am blessed!

01/20/2013: Despite being undeserving, God shows His mercies.

I told a lie and I made mistakes and in an attempt to cover those up,

I just made more mistakes.

But God is like that ride or die friend that sees you struggling &helps you out.

He is like having a parent that sees their child doing wrong

but understands their heart & gives them a pass. I am blessed!

Even though we are half way through the first month of the year…it is not too late. A blessings jar is great way to count your blessings. At the very least, it gives us time to reflect on how favored we are. And when you do review the jar…whether it be monthly, at the end of the year or a decade from now…you will feel amazed!

#loveyourlines

I matured fast!

At least that’s what I was told all my life and therefore what I reiterated to others

but mostly to myself

whenever I started staring at what looked like war wounds/claw marks/tiger stripes all over my body.

STRETCH MARKS

like finger prints; they grip my hips, clasp my ass and fondle my bosoms!

I matured fast!

my hormones raged, tectonic plates crashed together & my mountains formed in the north & south faster than my skin could keep up.

STRETCH MARKS

DON’T justify them.

DON’T hide them.

DON’T be ashamed of them.

DO love them.

STRETCH MARKS

proof that you transformed from a girl into a woman.

child bearing hips, nurturing bosoms and buttocks just for the heck it.

like blue prints; they show him where to grip my hips, clasp my ass and fondle my bosoms!

#loveyourlines

*post was inspired by the #loveyourlines movement on instagram

Always remember….you’re Liebster!

liebsterblog

This is more than an award….

it is one of those hugs you get from your favorite aunt,

where she squeezes you really tight and rubs your back,

as she pats you on the shoulder.

It is a hug that causes the feeling of love to pulsate through your body

with a tangibility that shatters any doubt you had allowed to creep in.

And with that, I would like to thank Arundhati Ail over at http://aruail.wordpress.com/  for the nomination.

So, what’s this award all about? You can call it Favorite Blog Award, as “Liebster” is a German word for beloved, or dearest. However, there is neither competition nor a jury. It is like a chain letter, or in this case, a “chain tag”, meant to help new, but talented bloggers with less than 200 followers to be discovered by the rest of the world.

To accept this award, all you have to do is:

1.  Link back and recognize the blogger who nominated you (this would be me :))
2.  Answer ten questions given to you by the blogger who nominated you (see the questions below).
3.  Nominate 3-5 other bloggers with less than 200 followers for the award.
4.  Create ten questions for your nominees to answer.
5.  Notify your nominees the way you were notified.

Now its my turn to let you know about my favorite blogs that totally deserve a “Liebster” award:

1) Carla Moore Mooretalkja

Not only does she blogs but she is also a YouTube vlogger. To be honest, I’m a little bit (read as a lot) shy at the idea of posting on her blog…I am THAT star struck! She does everything, from poetry to serious commentary about Jamaica and politics to hilarious reviews of Scandal. You have to check her out!

2) Some Times I Stare At Strangers http://sometimesistareatstrangers.wordpress.com/

A beautiful blog written by a truly talented artist. She is passionate about a wide variety of topics and will make you passionate about it too. She recently visited Jordan and took amazing photos and her posts about feminism *sigh*…mind blowing!

3) Ramblings to A Soulmate http://amandlovu.wordpress.com/

Truly talented writer. She has a sense of humor that shines through her writing. Her words are a pleasure to read. Only a few post post so far but I can tell she is one to watch.

My 10 questions:

  1. Why do you blog?
  2. Out of all the post that you have published, what is your favorite?
  3. Describe your blog in 3 words:
  4. What is the overall goal for your blog?
  5. List 1 thing you would like your followers to know about you.
  6. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
  7. What is your favorite quote or proverb?
  8. If you could ask God 1 question, what would it be?
  9. If you could change 1 thing about this world, what would it be?
  10. Have you ever been in love? (wouldn’t be me if I didn’t ask a question regarding affairs of the heart ;))

Here are my answers to the questions I was asked:

1.How and when did you decide to create a blog?

I had created a blog just for fun but I never really posted anything.

Not until I had gone through one of THE worst breakups

& had exhausted my shrinks (dear friends) with my drama,

that they encouraged me to write down my feelings, 

hoping it will help me sort out my feelings regarding the heart-breaker.

Funny thing is…I’ve never actually written anything about him.

2.What do you write/like writing about the most?

I only write and post on my blog when I feel truly inspired.

That is why there isn’t any set day or time span to which I post.

3.Other than blogging, what do you enjoy doing?

There isn’t a specific activity. Just enjoy spending time with my loved ones.

They can make any ordinary task memorable.

4.What is your favourite book/books?

The Bible. I mean talk about a book that has everything!

Romance, betrayal, horror, tragedy…

it has EVERYTHING!

5.What is your favourite quote?

As a person who has a folder on her laptop dedicated solely to the purpose 

of all the quotes that she has seen and saved…

I beg,

please don’t make me choose?!

6.Describe yourself in one word.

Anomaly

7.Given a chance, what would you change about yourself?

I would increase my faith.

8.What talent,other than writing, would you have wished to be born with?

I wish I could sing.

9.What was your childhood dream and has it come true?

That is a complicated question with a complex answer.

But in short: it depends on the day.

I think I might have to create a blog post about it.

10.Do you see yourself continuing to blog in the future? Why?

Yes!

Blogging is an outlet.

I post  the things I want to scream to the world.

But that I’m too afraid to let the people in my life know I feel.

And I think there will always be things that I’m afraid to say out loud.

And I don’t think that is necessary a bad thing.

Dear Introverts & Extroverts,

Lately,I’ve been seeing a lot of articles about how awesome introverts are

and hilarious commentary about the problems introverts face.

Now I think that it is well fine and dandy. I mean hooray for the exposure this underrated group is getting.

The more people understand the group, the more accepting people will be

of their quirks and they will no longer be labelled names like

“anti-social”

“stuck up”

 “weird”

But what I have been noticing in these articles and in the comment sections, is a superiority tone.

It may be subtle (i mean they are introverts…can’t expect bold 😛 ) but it is there.

Comments that suggest that because they enjoy being by themselves…

that they therefore love themselves more than extroverts.

Or

because they spend more time in their heads….

it means that they are “deeper thinkers.”

Or

because they might read more books…

it means that they are more intelligent.

NO! STOP IT!

As someone who have been labelled an introvert for most of my life but who has become a self proclaimed Ambivert (don’t know what it is? Google it!)…..I’m beyond tired of the debate and the judgement that seems to come along with it. Neither trait trumps the other!

And instead of these new articles taking on a fresh angle…

they resort to the same old playground games of screaming that

“I’m better than you na na na boo boo” crap!

Being an introvert simply means, that individual gets energy from within

while an extrovert gets energy from a stimulating environment.

They both can make excellent leaders,

amazing friends and both be

outstandingly intelligent. 

I mean c’mon!

No need to put another person down

to feel good about yourself.

Love & Vulnerability

As the girl who has been accused on a few occasions of not being vulnerable,

I know this is a lot easier said that done!

But we still have to try right?

Right?

Hindsight in the Morning

In the wee hours of the morning, I got a text message from one of my ex.

It was full of his hopes:

He hoped I did not hate him.

He hoped we could one day be friends

I was polite and I was nice.

I relieved him of his guilt.

I assured him”It was all good”

I did what ‘cool’ chicks do.

And what I did was wrong.

 

Too many texts from too many exes.

They have regrets and  bags of “I’m sorry”

But an apology in hindsight, doesn’t make it alright.

Doing what he should have done, when he was ACTUALLY my man

Would have been better than

A late night text message full of his hopes:

He hopes I do not hate him.

He hopes we can one day be friends.

Dating Etiquette & Selling yourself

I have a fear of dating.

I am no good at it and I fear and hate things that I am no good at.

I have come to accept that dating is really like going on an interview. You get asked similar questions like

“Tell me a  about yourself?”    

“Where do you see yourself in the future?”

and while this might not be a question asked out right, it is one that is expected to be answered by the end of the date ” What can you bring to this relationship?” Essentially you are selling yourself and I am no good at that. Hence why the scariest thing to me about graduating from college, is the fact that I will have to go on interviews for jobs.

The entire process is nerve wrecking for me. I never have the right answers to those questions. I get quiet, shy, forget to smile and don’t let my personality show. Apparently all of which is a no no when it comes to having a successful date (and interview)

So at this point, i’m contemplating having prepared and approved answers going into my next date. This way I can respond in a witty way that answers the question while displaying  my playful side. Something that is completely non threatening seeing that apparently I come across as being too strong and too intellectual.

No I’m not talking about dumbing myself down or changing who I am as a person. But improving my dating skills. And to me that includes being mindful of how I come across to other people and seeing where I can make adjustment. Because of course…I have many flaws!

Hopefully with practice, I’ll be able to iron out my dating technique.

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